I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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