I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
