I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
