U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
