If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
