I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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