Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
