I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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