At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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