Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
