I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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