For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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