I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
