you traded sex for a burrito?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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