Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
