i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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