I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
