4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
