he wants to bone in the snuggie
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
