He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
