I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You pole danced in your parka.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
