You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Randomize
