So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
