onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
