I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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