Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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