Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
