guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
