Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
