You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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