just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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