I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
