she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
