I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
