Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
