Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
