I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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