I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I want is dick and wine.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
