i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
