If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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