First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
