I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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