I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
