a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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