oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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