Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
