woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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