i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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