Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
