Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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