If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
