We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
