I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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