the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
