i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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