I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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